Whale Burgers for All

Approximately 60 pilot whales landed themselves on an Australian beach. Commentators are clamoring that this tragedy could have been avoided if the co-pilot whales had noticed that the pilots were drunk and taken the helm. The FAA will be leading an investigation.

In unrelated news, scientists have learned that despite the ability for advanced communication through complex songs, whales have no phrase for "HOLY CRAP BACK UP!!"