Open Letter to Kimberly Stewart

Dear Kim,

You were supposed to get engaged to the one without the skin complexion issues. You know, the one that also surfs, but cannot keep his shorts on his butt. See, I told you this kind of mess-up would happen if you kept doing Blow with Paris.

Love,

Opie

P.S.: Do you think the pink shirt with the cowboy riding the bucking bronco might be a sign of future "marital" troubles. Just thought I would ask.