One Ticket, One Rape

The planned 12.5 hour trip back from Maui took freak'n 20 hours. The hippies in the Maui airport would not simply get on the plane in an orderly fashion. It seems that waiting for their seats to be called and then boarding the plane was "way to limiting man, I mean just chill out. The mountain hasn't moved and it's cool, so why should I rush." After be subjected to such hippie logic, we were late for my connecting flight in LAX for which I had scheduled a 1.5 hour lay over. In an effort to make my flight in Chicago, for which I had scheduled another ~1.5 hour lay over, I flew standby on a flight to Chicago that left an hour after my original one. When I went back through security after changing terminals, the guard just laughed when I handed him my ticket. He explained that the "SSSS"code requires me to go through further extensive security checks. What happened next can best be understood by thinking of the code as 'Nazi SS^2'. By the time the very large guard was done, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tip him or whether he was suppose to tip me. All I can say is that somehow I got upgraded to some super first class level seating where we all had our own TVs, beds, as well as fruit and cheese snack plates. I will just state that I have been felt-up for less. Despite flying in the lap of luxury, I still missed my Chicago flight. So, I got confirmed for a flight 5 hours later giving me plenty of time to wonder around O'Hare on my blood blistered feet. I wasn't long before I noticedthat about every fourth person in the place was dressed in a Navy uniform. From the looks of it, the entire navy had simply abandoned the ships for the holidays. When I finally got home, I was ever more assured that I could parlay my body for good and services like a whore, and never less confident the navy was even bothering to secure our borders.