Unjustified Ego-centric World View

I like to think that I played a small part in this. Unfortunately, the article also announced the beginning of Talan's ill-conceived music career. What instrument does he even play? The skin flute?

Open Letter to Kimberly Stewart

Dear Kim,

You were supposed to get engaged to the one without the skin complexion issues. You know, the one that also surfs, but cannot keep his shorts on his butt. See, I told you this kind of mess-up would happen if you kept doing Blow with Paris.

Love,

Opie

P.S.: Do you think the pink shirt with the cowboy riding the bucking bronco might be a sign of future "marital" troubles. Just thought I would ask.

Not the way I usually light bean by-products

I found this on Craigslist.

"Free Soy Based Candle Samples"

I did not have the heart to read it because the thought of smelling burnt bean based candles kind of makes me sick. Additionally, I could not take the thought of soy invading another product category. It is like the Godzilla of legumes and I am like the Japanese unable to stop it.

As a side note, the Godzilla Nintendo game was retarded and nonsensical. Hopes dashed yet again.

Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites

This quite possibly is the best news article title ever. It contains two of my favorite things in news, alliteration and transvestites. As bonus points, the by line is from Bangkok.

Drunken Party Questions 1:

The question: You have 1 hour to live what would you did? (Trite, inane, and unimaginitive, but we were drunk)

My answer:

Whack off. Eat all of the Edy's Chocolate Double Fudge Brownie Ice Cream in my fridge (calories be damned!). Call my family.

My friends answer:

Whack off. Drive over to Opie's and eat all of his Edy's Chocolate Double Fudge Brownie Ice Cream. Call his family.

What can I say. Edy's is good. Not as good as sex (usually), but better than family (always).

I'm thinking about writing Edy's.