Advice for Renting DVDs

The problem with renting a video that describes it's plot as a movie within a movie is that you are usually stuck watching two sucky movies.

Dirty Daughters Don't Fall Far From the Dirty Father Tree

I have run road races since 9 and started regular training at 12. In the past 15 years, I have been glared at by walkers, chased by dogs, and twice had cars drive off the road right in front of me. One of those times, the driver turned to get a better look while I was running shirtless only to drive right off the road when it sharply turned. Let me just say, there is nothing like having your looks directly cause an accident to raise your self-esteem. In the same vain, the most pleasant runner/spectator harassment is the cat call. Generally, the cat callers are girls in their late-teen or early-twenties. I will be the first to admit that in my teens and early twenties the attention was much appreciated. Now I'm in my late twenties, and despite increased modesty, I still get cat calls. But it is does not strike the same chord because it is kind of dirty and weird to have 18 year-olds yelling sexually explicit comments at you when you probably have more in common with their mother and would prefer their father.

That's What You Get for Dating Linday Lohan

An article I read stated, "Lance Bass and boyfriend Reichen Lehmkuhl were dissatisfied when they arrived at Stereo House, where they were sup posed to stay ... At 3 a.m., they found the place 'seedy'... Stereo co-owner Mike Satsky told Page Six's Sarah Polonsky, 'The Stereo House is a $7 million estate where celebrities from Wilmer Valderrama to Scarlett Johansson and Lydia Hearst have stayed . "

Not that I truely care about the sleeping arrangements of celebrities, but anywhere that Wilmer Valderrama slept is by definition seedy.

An Open Letter to Correct Craigslist Confusion

i am a 28 year straight athletic male who needs another athletic, fit or built male to massage my nude body. i am asking for athletic men since i allow the masseuse to stradle me if they feel it is necessary to rub a certain muscle group. ... if you are interested send a picture of yourself and i will get back to you. [Craigslist]

Dear Straight Athletic Male,

I almost believed you were straight while reading your post for a built male to stradle you and relax certain "muscles" in the men for men section of craigslist until you requested a picture. Straight men may or may not like to have certain "muscles" relaxed, but they definitely do not require pictures to ensure the hotness of the men who do the relaxing.

Sincerely,
Opie

And the Secret Ingredient is ...

As thanks for helping with an oral presentation, an Asian colleague just gave me a red bean popsicle. Quite literally, it is red bean soup frozen, beans and all, onto a stick in the shape of a normal popsicle, and I'm talking 50% beans by volume. Once you get past the revolting concept and chewy texture of the boiled bean based popsicle, the legumes are refreshingly flavorless. I just hope the next time I help, she is distinctly less grateful.

Surly Suri

Holy crap, that kid has a full head of hair. Suri was born about 2 months after my still bald niece. I know that children are often born with hair, but I thought it usually fell out shortly after birth. I hope she has a trust fund setup solely for hair care expenses, because at this rate that will put her in the poor house.

Bad Medicine

Exhausting travel and lab time associated with conferences this month coupled with extreme exposure to the mass public, have contributed to my catching a cold. As such, I am currently high on a Dayquil/Advil cocktail which is kicking my butt, but which allows me minimal function in my professional capacity. I discovered this particular blend back in 2000 during the beginning of the recession. I was working as a co-op in a company which I was hoping to get a job offer from. During a critical part of my project while traveling in Arkansas, I came down with walking pneumonia. Unable to take time off, I had to work through it. The most effective symptom stopping medley I found after raiding a local drug store and dropping a C note on OTC remedies was a Dayquil/Advil combo. With the right balance of the two, I could medicate myself to the point of passable productivity. Like any effective medical regimen, there were draw backs. These included a zombie-like disconnected personality, a slight balance problem, and mild impotence. All of which were acceptable costs in achieving the goal of full employment. I lived on this cocktail for one month before the roommates forced me to go to the clinic, for the "traditional" treatment of antibiotics. Within a month I had recovered, and was getting ready for my work review. During the review, it was communicated that my "easy going, creative" working style would fit well with the company and that they would be happy to hire me, but then emphasized that I would have to pass a drug test, so I would have to be careful. Now, I have never actually taken any illegal drugs, so that comment left me a little confused until I remembered stumbling around the office for a month high on OTCs. Now, I work in an environment mostly populated by individuals of Asian decent, and anytime I take an OTC of any kind I get an earful. Western medicine only treats the symptoms not the underlying problem. You contain too much heat, drink this tea to balance it. Take that tea/herb to balance some other spiritual imbalance indicated by the shape of my eye. But as soon as they cough, their hypocrisy is revealed as they run off to the hospital as if they just got SARS. If you hate western medicine stop going to the damn emergency room each time you have a simple cold and leave me alone in my pharma-coma.